I find the weirdest things amusing.

http://www.oddee.com/item_96627.aspx

Diamond State Heartbreak

I am relapsing into a dark, dreary mood. The mood that is almost impossible for me to get out of. The mood that all I want to do is pout and stick my middle finger to the world.

I don't associate with people. I don't even think I was built to. Eff my life right now. This has been a horrible end of the year for me and i'm not even preparing for it to get any better.

Cut the Blood Supply, Tie a Lassoo around my Heart

Someone needs to save me from this ominous, sinister mood i've been in. If I get another person ask me if i'm having a bad day, i'm going to punch a train. The answer is YES! I was having a glorious day until you drew a black cloud over my head and let it pour rain from your mouth. God.

School is funny. And by funny I mean, possibly the biggest fails are in my class. What kindof person goes around living and breathing...and NOT knowing who "The Cure" and "David Bowie" are. It fucking disgusts me. I legitemately wanted to stick hair pins in her eyes, and bend her head back until her neck broke.

Whoa.

So, councelling is going well if any one cared to know. The first session went swimmingly well. I was shit nervous for the second session for some reason, but that one ended up swelling my head with confidence. I don't think i'm going to need to go past the 8 sessions, but it would be a good idea just to keep up with it. Chantale is like my lollipop after a doctors appointment, she makes me feel so much better and its like all the bad things that just happened return to zero. However, I found after that last session, the bad thoughts we're returning, much quicker. I'm really really trying, but...there are some things I'd like to have been different by now, and they aren't, things that are completely beyond my control now...and ugh. I just want the air to be cleared and it's hard going in a roundabout way to get your answers. I feel completely short changed and I need some closure to feel better. Will I ever be able to hear the things I need in order to move on? One can only hope.

I also love impromptu blogs.

Also forgot to mention the new layout. It's better than black, IMO.

Anyways, i'm still very upset about how things are. Ergo, I don't think the best way to go about things is getting verbally angry, but I can't keep living like this. Why am I still hung up about all of this? I've been trying to keep my mind busy but it always automatically averts to old and passed memories. Especially how at this time last year, I was a happy bunny. Actually, until 3 weeks ago, I was a happy bunny. I'm tired of waiting for this stupid phone call he promises. I'm not that kind of girl, or at least I don't want to be. Help?

http://www.etsy.com/storque/spotlight/etsy-finds-fascinators-994/

My blog is now set to allow anyone to read. I figured the past is the past and if someone is dedicated enough to read through all these boring posts, then go ahead.

My god, am I in love with the fascinators trend. What else could you instantly add elegance with?

So much to write about (this is a first). So much to put onto ink and paper (or keyboard and megapixel?) I should really be doing my homework though. Bah...

I was upstairs, emersing my hands in dishes when I started thinking about how life sometimes throws curveballs at you. And completely blind side you. And potentially harms you and you sit out for the rest of the inning. Well, I said, life is something like that. It's a metaphor for everything. I've been suffering from heartache for 3 weeks, sometimes in public and sometimes in secret, and then I started thinking, I should really give myself some credit for the efforts i've been ACTUALLY doing, rather than focusing on how much i've been grieving.

Life gives you back what you put into it. Like for example, if you write songs about someone, somewhere down the line, a song will be written about you wether or not you have the knowledge about it. And this is a fantastic thing because the nice thing about it is that whatever positive thougths you're thinking, it will happen and vice versa as well. Now I know this all sounds like a big huge shout out to Oprah and her fucking "The Secret" book (not written by her but heavily endorsed) but believe it or not, I'm starting to think it's no longer a scam. It is written in pretty poor litterature though...ohwell. It's self help and i'm loving it. Strong and Confident Ryse is making a comeback. FULL FORCE!

UGH! WANT WANT WANT!

Mesh, Romanticism, Seams, Black Feathers, Cameos, Black Crows, Patricia Morrisson, Lace, Sisters of Mercy, Damask, Victorian Gothic... This is what I live and breathe nowadays.. I've neglected my little inner Vampira for far too long. It's now back and BIGGER than ever. Now all I have to do is start reading those Twilight books and I'm all set.

Hey, let's recap.

I'm poor.

My mood is darker than the sky at 4 pm.

That's all I wanted to say.

You're indifferent and I can't stop smiling.

I've probably been in one of the best moods i've been in a long time thus far. I don't know what's doing it more for me. I'm not getting the best grades at school (but that's one persons opinion, and to be honest, a whole other Pandora's Box will be opened if I continue on the subject) which is what I was expecting out of myself. Yet i'm proud of the fact that i'm pushing myself so much everyday, getting there on time, not missing school and actually doing my homework.

The only thing i'm getting pumped on for tomorrow is seeing Karlie. The rest can go to the dogs. I'm so nervous, it hurts. And i'm not even doing my final practical exam.

Someone called the school today already looking to book with me. Not bad for 3 weeks.

Well, I feel rather disconnected from everything. I'm always in some sort of transitional period...with everything. Once I start focusing on something, I barely have the brain capacity to remember what I was focusing on before that. I barely know what's good for me anymore. Going out? Working out? Which one will make me feel better? I feel like all my efforts go down the drain. I just want to get through these ten months even if that means that i'm going to be couped up for that long and not catching up on what's playing lately at the Cinematheque or which Live band is playing at Shannon's Pub (ugh) then so be it.

Fuck it. I don't care.

Just when things start to go right, they blow up in your face.

Walking out of the salon, I just felt like no one gave a shit how much work I put into my shifts.

Or how much effort I made into knowing everyone's little quirks.

...Or how I lost one of my good friends in the process...


That one may be my fault.


HUGE PS: I said hi to Against Me today. They were across the street from Mason and I on Albert. No Biggie.

I promise this is the last PS: I hope I can afford a Betsey Johnson item one day. Or just afford for her to come to my house and be my live in designer. Only she can give the allure that being at the Circus is HOT HOT HOT.

Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tiered.

So because I don't have a car and theres a 78% chance it'll pee from the sky tomorrow and thursday, we can't go to the lake. Greatest and most productive days off ever.

I'll say.


On a better note, I got myself a pair of Oxford heels. And then I got to work and no joke, 6 other people were wearing some. *cry*

Best moment of the day was probably witnessing some girls' heel break off. Way to go, Le Chateau.

Golden Cage

What is up with me lately.

Oh let's see. Yesterday was of shitty quality.
I left all my school papers accidentally at the bus stop, and only realised it after I got off the bus. Mike (thank god) flew out like a superhero to my rescue, only to discover that 50% of my papers were gonezo. Crying incessantly in the Second Cup bathroom was a giant reverse LOL.

Somethings not right in my universe. I'm completely off-balance. I can't smile anymore, I look like shit, and even thinking about it makes me bawl my eyes out. I can't keep blaming the pill because its been almost 2 weeks since i've been on it. Or can I?

Today was of equal shit proportions.
Why couldn't anyone just have told me that I couldn't get a loan unless I had credit or a co-signer, instead of me having to embark on a cross city bus ride, getting there and telling me this while barely being sat down for 5 minutes. I just want to do this myself. I hate the thought of hassling someone for this shit. I JUST WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL. Fuck, life.

This city needs less douchy, less gay people. (not the homosexual gay, but I can think of one person at work whom i'd love to tell them to go to hell lately) Hell, this city needs more people in general. Somehow, this has been the summer for swarms of Winnipeggers to say goodbye to their cheap apartments and steady circles of friends in order to trade it in for places with better stores, better nightlife, and better road paving. Not fair. C'mon guys, i'm not in any position to come and visit all of you.

Just got a text. Signing off for now.

PS: IF you still read this.

I've never been known of keeping fashion secrets.

You can get those at the Bay downtown.

It's funny that I can picture what your reaction will be.

"Weird...."

I hate the feeling of having barely any friends.

HAH!

I just saw the pomped security guard from Portage Place wearing Teva sandles and cut off shorts! GROSS.

Couldn't say this didn't all come as a big surprise. Sometimes it isn't always someone's intention for things to happen a certain way, they just do.

Another important point to expound on: why do people become so defensive and rudely attack me with words when all i'm kindly bringing up an issue leaving me feeling with embarassment that I actually took the time to bring it to their attention.

"Well according to "so and so" both of you knew that I wasn't coming anyway so why should I tell you guys if you know everything already"

Whoa? I hadn't been discussed this with? Who the hell told me that she had known this the whole time? I was apparently put into a category that I didn't even think or know I was in. I didn't know this at the time, so why the fucking hostility?

I don't even know what to say but, calm the eff down and that was completely uncalled for. And that goes for alot of people and alot of situations in my life.


Fuck. Drama.

This is why I love my co-workers

Katie [S.C.U KR3W] -- 623H ext 6260 says:
it might be a bit, since my tm is bitchin' like crazy...

Katie [S.C.U KR3W] -- 623H ext 6260 says:
just an fyi

MARYSE ext 6373 {OTTA/HLFX} says:
cool

Katie [S.C.U KR3W] -- 623H ext 6260 says:
yah.. hah the bitchin' is hilarious

MARYSE ext 6373 {OTTA/HLFX} says:
got on the bitchin' bus and didn't ring the bell

Katie [S.C.U KR3W] -- 623H ext 6260 says:
awww yeah son!

MARYSE ext 6373 {OTTA/HLFX} says:
ha ha ha

MARYSE ext 6373 {OTTA/HLFX} says:
last stop HELL

Katie [S.C.U KR3W] -- 623H ext 6260 says:
dum dum dum
Katie [S.C.U KR3W] -- 623H ext 6260 says:
fuck i hate that sea lion bitch

Katie [S.C.U KR3W] -- 623H ext 6260 says:
haha

MARYSE ext 6373 {OTTA/HLFX} says:
hahahazhahahahahahaha

MARYSE ext 6373 {OTTA/HLFX} says:
omg that almost made me spit out my coffee

Jealous?

Flowers, patio furniture, garden knomes and pink flamingos is all I have to say.