Friday, September 11, 2009

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Diamond State Heartbreak

I am relapsing into a dark, dreary mood. The mood that is almost impossible for me to get out of. The mood that all I want to do is pout and stick my middle finger to the world.

I don't associate with people. I don't even think I was built to. Eff my life right now. This has been a horrible end of the year for me and i'm not even preparing for it to get any better.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Cut the Blood Supply, Tie a Lassoo around my Heart

Someone needs to save me from this ominous, sinister mood i've been in. If I get another person ask me if i'm having a bad day, i'm going to punch a train. The answer is YES! I was having a glorious day until you drew a black cloud over my head and let it pour rain from your mouth. God.

School is funny. And by funny I mean, possibly the biggest fails are in my class. What kindof person goes around living and breathing...and NOT knowing who "The Cure" and "David Bowie" are. It fucking disgusts me. I legitemately wanted to stick hair pins in her eyes, and bend her head back until her neck broke.


So, councelling is going well if any one cared to know. The first session went swimmingly well. I was shit nervous for the second session for some reason, but that one ended up swelling my head with confidence. I don't think i'm going to need to go past the 8 sessions, but it would be a good idea just to keep up with it. Chantale is like my lollipop after a doctors appointment, she makes me feel so much better and its like all the bad things that just happened return to zero. However, I found after that last session, the bad thoughts we're returning, much quicker. I'm really really trying, but...there are some things I'd like to have been different by now, and they aren't, things that are completely beyond my control now...and ugh. I just want the air to be cleared and it's hard going in a roundabout way to get your answers. I feel completely short changed and I need some closure to feel better. Will I ever be able to hear the things I need in order to move on? One can only hope.

I also love impromptu blogs.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Also forgot to mention the new layout. It's better than black, IMO.

Anyways, i'm still very upset about how things are. Ergo, I don't think the best way to go about things is getting verbally angry, but I can't keep living like this. Why am I still hung up about all of this? I've been trying to keep my mind busy but it always automatically averts to old and passed memories. Especially how at this time last year, I was a happy bunny. Actually, until 3 weeks ago, I was a happy bunny. I'm tired of waiting for this stupid phone call he promises. I'm not that kind of girl, or at least I don't want to be. Help?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

My blog is now set to allow anyone to read. I figured the past is the past and if someone is dedicated enough to read through all these boring posts, then go ahead.

My god, am I in love with the fascinators trend. What else could you instantly add elegance with?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

So much to write about (this is a first). So much to put onto ink and paper (or keyboard and megapixel?) I should really be doing my homework though. Bah...

I was upstairs, emersing my hands in dishes when I started thinking about how life sometimes throws curveballs at you. And completely blind side you. And potentially harms you and you sit out for the rest of the inning. Well, I said, life is something like that. It's a metaphor for everything. I've been suffering from heartache for 3 weeks, sometimes in public and sometimes in secret, and then I started thinking, I should really give myself some credit for the efforts i've been ACTUALLY doing, rather than focusing on how much i've been grieving.

Life gives you back what you put into it. Like for example, if you write songs about someone, somewhere down the line, a song will be written about you wether or not you have the knowledge about it. And this is a fantastic thing because the nice thing about it is that whatever positive thougths you're thinking, it will happen and vice versa as well. Now I know this all sounds like a big huge shout out to Oprah and her fucking "The Secret" book (not written by her but heavily endorsed) but believe it or not, I'm starting to think it's no longer a scam. It is written in pretty poor litterature though...ohwell. It's self help and i'm loving it. Strong and Confident Ryse is making a comeback. FULL FORCE!

Sunday, December 7, 2008


Mesh, Romanticism, Seams, Black Feathers, Cameos, Black Crows, Patricia Morrisson, Lace, Sisters of Mercy, Damask, Victorian Gothic... This is what I live and breathe nowadays.. I've neglected my little inner Vampira for far too long. It's now back and BIGGER than ever. Now all I have to do is start reading those Twilight books and I'm all set.